Irony

You know, if I wasn't so hurt right now, I'd have found it a little funny. I started this blog to discuss ideas for my Slenderblog, and now

Now.

Now I've lost everything. I'm the "poor guy who's gonna have his life turned upside down" I've lost my life already, death just hasn't caught up with me. I kind of always imagined Slenderman as this spectral faceless figure. A modern day Grim Reaper.

And he's coming for me. I can't stay in London forever, I saw Him above my bed, watching. He has no eyes but he FUCKING WATCHES!

I did nothing... I didn't shout, I didn't cry, I just went back to sleep.

And then I woke up, it was morning.

Joel took one glance at me and noticed that I have marks on my arms. I looked it's true. Long red fingermarks... Occasionally tinged with black where it bruised. Like someone had been holding me down, holding me still.

There are three stereotypes that people tend to follow when they see Him. The Fighters, The Runners and those who just give up. Joel is a Runner and... And I'm not cut out for it... I always imagined my life as one where I'd settle down. Fall in love with some girl and have a family. A small house, just big enough for us. A garden. I'd have a job where I don't have to work that hard, maybe at a pharmaceutical company, making chemicals for testing against diseases. I'd be quietly in the background, helping others in my own way.

Have any of you heard the phrase; "An Englishman's home is his castle?" Well that is what I am planning on doing. I'm going to go home. Sit down with that great big carving knife my parents always told me never to use when I was younger and wait. Who for, I dunno. But I expect someone will be there.

If it's a proxy then I will defend myself. I'm not going to feel the pain I felt before... Never again. If it is him. Then I'll take his hand into the next life. I can't fight him. People have tried. They tend to die. I can't run from him, I'm not cut out for it. So my only option is to give up.

Slenderman: A message to you. If you are this grim reaper I keep dreaming of, just take me away. Don't play with me, just finish it.

I'm tired.

~Lucas

Big Bad Wolf.

I'm improving, my throat is less painful today than it was yesterday. This medication that is making me feel like utter shit, making me puke every few hours or so, is actually helping my throat. Which is good!

I've been trying to work out who this "Big Bad Wolf" guy I keep seeing is. Each time I think about it, it gets more and more and more confusing. One part of me thinks. "LOLFURRIES!" and the other part of me thinks. "Holy shit, if this is the guy who made Joel run, then I should be scared."

But I'm not. That's the thing, I've not seen anything, not heard anything. All I have is the word of a guy who I met a month ago and a hundred or so blogs of people who may or may not exist and regardless of the fact I'm in a whirlwind of a relationship with him, that is not the best of evidence proving the existence of some tall skinny guy who has no face, or this creepy wolf from my nightmares. (Oh god long sentence!)

But at the same time, the Slenderman has captured something deep inside me, something primal, a fear inside me. I need to see in order to believe, and that terrifies me.

I just want to see you Joel. I miss you.

~Lucas

I can do better than that!

Well, considering the lax nature of my prior posts and considering that the whole thing is becoming more of a personal blog than random musings on my slenderblog, I've decided to make this a personal blog instead of a slender-musing-blog-type-thing.

In other news, I got a phone call from Joel today. Now, who's Joel do you ask? Well Joel is the guy who I had a date with on Saturday. I was feeling ill, just the whole flu kind of thing, only feeling more weak and feeble than before. Not to mention the fact that Joel seemed nervous. Even on the phone he said he wanted to see me again. And then something about "Him." And then that he felt safe with me. It was odd, he struck me as a fighter really, the first time I saw him. He made me feel safe. Simply put, I'm glad I could help him return the favour, but he's probably pulling some practical joke or another.

Yes. I know. This entire thing is screaming "Slenderman!" Especially considering I found out that "⊗" is the operator symbol... But I doubt that's the truth. Besides, the whole Slenderman crap has been happening in the US as far as I have seen, so even if it were real, I'd have a very big pond for him to cross.

Also, has anyone else heard of Candlejack? I discovered it on the interwe

IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZORR RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRkfhdwnmanhfj.

I really do need to post here more often... And.. Well.. I've been ignoring the whole Slenderman thing, where I've almost finished planning my slenderblog. Maybe eventually I'll post the link here... Maybe not though... I dunno... I guess I've been distracted with exams... Perhaps I should make this a personal blog/vent about exams until I have finished them, and then maybe get back to getting into the very start.

Also Also ALSO! This guy I was talking about before... Well, he asked me on a date, and I kind of said yes and I didn't really know what to say and he hugged me and I felt all warm and fuzzy inside, but at the same time, he seemed a little awkward, like he wasn't in it. I dunno, it felt like he was looking over my shoulder. Meh, hopefully I'll give you a report in a few days time on the more personal front. (I.E. After coffee with cute-kinda-emo-kinda-gothy-kinda-quirky guy. Oh lawd, I hope he's not reading this...)

Buh byes!

Hey look, a blog update that's loosely related to the slenderblog!

Yeah, yeah, I know, update the blog update the blog.

Well I finally took some pictures of the notebook, uploading them on here, like a boss. The drawing, well, I am sure I drew it, it looks like my (crap) handiwork, but at the same time, it's a little odd that I don't remember drawing it.

Also. I met a guy! Or rather he met me, he saw me on my own in a coffee shop, practically sat down on my lap and asked what I was doing. He seemed pretty interested that I was into this whole Slenderman thing. Well... After hours of conversation, we exchanged phone numbers and emails and we were on our way. He's cute in his own way, not really gothy but has that air about him. One thing that made me wonder though, was that he was clearly flirting with me... 

I want to know what made him think I was gay though. Like, when I came out, almost everyone I knew was surprised and the couple who I opened up to earlier, maybe alluded to my sexuality were... Well... They didn't show surprise and were pretty accepting... The point is, that I don't think I ooze gayness, I'm not the kind of guy who limp wristedly prances around in a spice girls t-shirt, and at the same time he just sort of knew! Perhaps he just had a good gaydar...

Mine is crap, but that's another story. We'll see what happens with him later I guess. I mean it's not like I'm going to fall passionately in love with a guy I only just met. Plus I've got exams to worry about...

Laters Blogge people.

A new development, or lack there of...

Hello again.

Dammit! I have all of these ideas but I kind of need to put a couple of weeks of personal posts. You know, to humanize the poor guy who's gonna have his life turned upside down. So yeah, I've been getting them down pretty quickly in a notebook. I'll upload them when I feel like it.

Oh! Also on a purely non Slenderman related topic, I've got a lot of exams coming in the next couple of months, so yeah, be aware that I'll be running around screaming. Just in case anyone is actually reading this. :o

Ta Ta For Now!