Thursday, 1 December 2011

Dead Man Post

First written on the 22nd of July 2011
Last edited: 20th of November 2011

Hi! Joel here!

If you're reading this, then we're likely both dead.

We wrote this post as like, a dead man switch, if one of us didn't update the time every ten days, then this would post.

I just wanted to say thank you I guess.

These messages are from the both of us.

Cam: You are this wonderful person and everyone should love you for that. You brightened our lives just for taking me and Lucas in that first day. I wish you and Jake the best in your marriage. Also Lucas kind of had a bit of a crush on you. Sorry about that. :3 Edit from Lucas: I know that you won't read this, but everything you did for us, even after you died. I thank you.

Elaine: Just know that you are this wonderful, brave woman, who's first response to any stimulus is to blame herself. So don't. We're not that good at being soppy to anyone but each other, but follow what that thing in your chest, which pumps the blood, (Lucas assures me it's a heart.) tells you to do. Thank you for helping us help you help us all. :)

DeMii: You've been a good friend, look after Lulls for us. It's a shame we didn't see her. Those emails, chatting to you, they meant so much to me.

Nick: You treat Elaine well, you hear me? Otherwise I'll dickpunch you from the grave. Comprende? (Actually scrap that, this goes to Shawn.) :)

Rachael: Keep alive, you hear me? You are not a bad person, I saw that when we met. You're a lovely person who helped me through the shit that was happening. Thank you so much.

Mystery: Your wise words always helped me get my head right, and thank you for the offer to stay with you guys, I am sorry I couldn't. I always imagined where you were as a haven. Edit: And now I have, well, I'm glad I met you. I'm glad I met all of you. <3

Shady: Keep strong Ma'am. We'll miss you, and show those government fuckers who's boss.

Schrödinger: Keep finding your balance darling, what you did meant a lot to a lot of people. I am sorry that what happened, did happen.

Spencer: You're an intriguing man, and you said some comforting words to Lucas when he needed something said at the wedding. Thank you. Also, see: Nick.

Josh: Just know that we care about you, ok? You are probably the reason we haven't torn each others throats out. Even if you did decide to call us "The Gays..." Seriously? What kind of nickname is that?!

Lis: Your hugs were awesome, you made me smile when things weren't so great. Also the scarfs, just little things that let us know that people actually like us. Thank you.

Tia and Blake: You two are adorable, keep alive. :)

Opal: Keep strong, keep fighting it. I know it's difficult but you have to keep fighting it.

Messenger: I know you're going to read this post before it gets out, I just want to say that you're a good person in a bad situation. Just keep remembering that. Also, this post... I would rather like it to be the last on the blog. If you wish to do a report, then post now. If not, we'll we won't be able to force you dear. This is a good mechanism anyway.

Ember: Darling, don't worry about whatever happens. One, you're not a monster. I'm sure you'll find that third option of yours. ~Lucas

And that's about it, I think. If I missed anyone, I'm seriously sorry.

Lucas wanted to say something on his own, I'll just pass the phone over to him:

I sold my old family home and arranged for money to be sent to a friend back home so we can be repatriated to the UK. He knows nothing about this... This life. And all I wish is that we are buried together.

I have friends back in the UK, they probably don't know what happened. I've got letters to send to them, that I lived a wonderful life.

None of it's true apart from this wonderful life. With Joel. With Josh. With Elaine for a large part of it. :)

If there's one thing I don't want us to be remembered by, it's what we did in this life. What I want us to be remembered by is hope. The bright side. That things can always get better, even if they look like they can't.

There's this ancient story from China, called The Butterfly Lovers.

You should read it, it is a beautiful story. This is just from memory, sorry if it's not entirely correct. Just listen to this whilst you do.

There was a young, beautiful, and intelligent girl who wished to learn in Ancient China, however it wasn't expected of her to learn, she, as a girl, was expected to be obedient and quiet and marry whoever she was told to.

So she disguised herself as a boy, and met a handsome young scholar, they became the best of friends. Slowly, but surely, the girl realised that she had fallen in love with him and as their education came to and end, she came up with a plan to get him.

She said that he should come and meet her family. As she had a sixteen year old sister who would love to meet him, and maybe even marry him. He seemed delighted with that idea, and they parted.

It was almost a year and the girl had nearly given up hope that he would ever return.

But no.

He did, he saw her, he realised what had happened. He was delighted and they spent time together, lovers at long last, they looked to a future together. But we all know that this kind of story doesn't work out that way.

The girl's father arranged a wedding with a rich man's son, she was bound to marry him, regardless of her feelings toward this boy.

When the young scholar heard of this, his heart was broken, his health regressed and he died soon after.

Her heart was broken, but she had to carry on with the wedding.

On her wedding day, there was a massive storm, the girl was on a boat destined to her betrothed husband's house. She had to go past her lover's grave but she couldn't. The storm wouldn't let her. A crack of lightning opened the grave and she threw herself in to join him. The storm cleared to reveal their spirits on the filled in grave.

Two golden butterflies, dancing around each other.

Never to be separated again.

~-Lucas and Joel

Monday, 28 November 2011

Best Birthday Ever.

Happy birthday to me.
Twenty fucking years.

New York is bitterly cold,

We found wolf, he was on the rooftop we were on back in this post. He wasn't alone, he was flanked by our friends in the hoodies.

"Will you help me?" Joel said softly.

Then they tried to bum rush us.

Apparently we've gotten far better since then. At fighting anyway... I had my katana out and ready... I... I killed someone again. Sliced the blade along her stomach, watched her vital organs spill out. I... I admired it. A thing of beauty.

I'm sorry Elaine, it did get easier after all. After I killed Josh, (Joel decided that he'd deal with it...) after that kid at the wedding. It comes easily to me.

The other got close enough and he had me by the neck, I tripped and fell back. Joel just leaned down and shot him in the head point blanc range.

My ears were ringing as I tried to pull myself up. All I could do was watch.

I... They talked about something, and then Mario shot, and Joel... Joel shot better. As I got my hearing back, he looked at me. For the first time I saw something wrong in his eyes, more than the fact he had taken a gunshot to his knuckle.... I was so worried about him bleeding, but at the same time I just knew.

Joel. He looked at me. It wasn't just a look though, it was a stare. More than his predatory thing he had going on. It was cold. He didn't love me.

I don't know how long he was acting like he did, I don't know any more. After we left Hope, he kind of dropped the pretence...

He trained the gun on me.

He said "two wolves left."

I couldn't run, I was on a rooftop in the cold for gods sake...

I ran at him, I don't know where my sword went.

We wrestled.

Joel's now on the floor, the gun went off. He was bleeding, it was slow. Painful. He begged me to kill him. I... And then I couldn't. I just held him, I held my lover.

He told me he loved me and I don't know if I believed him or not. He tried to kill me, but his last words were of love.

I... Fuck... Why am I so calm? Am I that fucking desensitised?

What kind of monsters are you? Some of you are reading this for fun I bet...


I'm sorry.

I cried for hours, I don't know if I can cry anym

And now Ember has come to join me.

There is no point running. I have no one to run with.

I'm alone.

Those words, they chill me to the core. "Alone." Two syllables, five letters. They terrify me. I can't imagine a life without Joel. The Joel I knew, the one who didn't hit me, or have to fight wolf every minute of every hour of every day. I... I want the man I loved back. I miss him so much.


I know very little about Ember, physically I don't even know if he/she is a guy or a girl, gay or straight. But at the same time, I am glad it is him/her who is doing it. Ember won't torture me, or hurt me too badly. I'm so scared of dying, I get doubts in my own faith. The one thing I'm meant to have above all else...

I just... I just know I will be dead when I am finished with this post. Slenderman's here, right by Ember's shoulder. I don't think he/she even notices. He's just watching me.

I stare at Him and He tilts His head. Like He doesn't understand... Maybe that's it... He doesn't "get it." Maybe what He's doing... Maybe it isn't bad or good. Maybe it's just different... Like runners and proxies.

Runners do evil things, almost as often as proxies... The only difference is that one believes they are against Him, and the other is for Him... Maybe that's it.

Why the hell am I getting these revelations now? Seems a ridiculous time to get them. Though when your life flashes before your eyes, you're bound to get some kind of inspiration.

Anyway, stiff upper lip and all that. I'll see you all in whatever comes after.


Sunday, 27 November 2011

Come on then my wolves.

Tonight. You know where.

Let's see if I can help you stop hurting him.


Friday, 25 November 2011


I heard this thing that on islands temperatures feel far lower than they actually are. The fact that there lots of water means lots of wind chill. So you get Russians who feel a similar kind of cold in 0 degrees in the uk, compared to -10/-20 degrees in Russia.  I don't know if it's true or not though, so I could be completely bullshitting you.

And the thing is, it's beautiful weather in NY right now, clear skies. It's pretty. Just 13-15 degrees. (It feels colder than it is.)

I missed the noise really.

New York City makes me feel really small.

So yes, Joel and I ended up getting coats. Hoodies aren't enough any more really.

Joel got a great coat and

You know what? No. I can't let it affect me, I need to talk about it I guess.

I've not been sleeping since it happened. Josh... I remember the blood, and Joel saying he would sort it. He's not looked at me the same since...

God I'm sorry.

You know that spot, the corner of your eye. Sometimes I see Him there. If I turn to look at Him, He's gone. He just watches me, tall, dark and faceless. I don't feel danger, or fog. I... I feel clarity.

It... It feels good to be able to think straight, even if it's because Our Mutual Observer is around... I need it, otherwise I can't even think, I'm just so filled with guilt, what ifs...


Thursday, 24 November 2011

I don't know what to say...
It's all my fault.
I should have stopped him.
Josh is dead.

I killed him.
It was my watch.
Josh must have gotten up.

The door opened.
I saw Him...
I saw his face.

He had no face.

Lucas had to pull me off of him apparently.
Josh was dead.
Stabbed over and over again...

We are stealing a car.
I need to get this done.

I need to find Mario and get help...

I can't keep like this.

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Well, we caught him finally.

Joel was not amused today. We caught him at the bus station. It's really quite funny how he looked at me and Josh and the first thing he said was: "Why the fuck did you bring Josh along?"

Of course he was pissed as well.

I had to break up the argument before it began and said simply. "Don't you read Elaine's blog?"

Joel looked at me and sighed. "Look, where I'm going is dangerous. I don't want either of you hurt."

"Too fucking late."

He didn't get on that bus, instead we are now in a motel room. Joel looks like he's seen a ghost, and besides. We need to get coats. It's pretty cold in NYC right now, and it's pretty cold where we are. Hoodies won't do it anymore.

So yes, we're all safe right now.

Well, as safe as life on the road can be. I was honestly expecting to be picked off at the bus station by some random hoodie with a knife.

Turns out I was pretty lucky, and...

You know.

Didn't die, armed with a Katana I have to keep concealed.

I don't wish to cause a fuss really, I am sure I could quote laws, but katanas are apparently weapons and wearing them in public is just going to cause a fuss. I had a fabric case for it before, and I just wear it over my shoulder.

So yeah. We're together. We're safe. Lucky us.


Monday, 21 November 2011

So... Joel pulled a Joel...

Hey, just at a Cybercafe in town, waiting for a bus tonight. Joel apparently took the one earlier. God dammit. 

Do you guys watch NCIS? Where Tony or Ziva talk about Jethro Gibbs and suddenly he's right behind them?

Well, Joel does something similar, only he vanishes into thin air when people talk about him, and, well, Josh and I are on his tail. I read the email location, we're going to try and catch him on the way. Not saying where for obvious reasons, but still...

When Josh saw me packing, he literally sat on my bag until I said I'd let him go with me. I'm scared about it, but this is Josh we're talking about, he's capable enough. And scrappy, he's scrappy for a thirteen year old. 
True story.

So yeah, I'm kinda glad he's got my back.

Elaine, thank you for giving us a place to stay, a place to heal. You have no idea how much it means to me. You've saved my life, god, twice now for letting us stay. Probably more. You gave me hope.

Well, yeah. 

That's about it.

I'd better stop being on a computer, money's never unlimited.

Keep Running, Ladies and Gentlemen.