Wednesday, 28 September 2011

big and bad

I... I figured I would post this myself when my head was a little clearer. I see Josh and                      I want to kill. But I know I won't. It's not my right to take life away. I don't work for Him, I'm going rogue. I have good in me somewhere, I know I do I know it

Lucas told me of the possibility... The The The idea of um Im sorry. It's difficult to think straight at the best of times. That I could try and get Joel back. like my head... Fuck my head right now... Lucas is hurting, Josh is scared, I need to be sane for a little while i need to in eed to not some sociopath but it's safer if I dont feel anything. right now its safer if i dont feel


not an animal.

Joel not a wolf...

Monday, 26 September 2011

Lucas had me type something up, I guess it makes sense. I'm not good with long words, but he said something about therapy of writing stuff down. So hi! I'm Joshua, I'm 13 and am being stalked. it feels odd. Like alcoholics anonimous.

Um. well. I'm new to all this, Lucas is looking at me like I should keep writing so I will. He's a nice guy, if a wuss occasionally with Joel. He's in more pain in his hands and elsewhere than he lets people know.

Yeah, my past... I grew up here in NJ, with a step mom and normal dad, and then, two weeks ago I met Slenderman. I mean, I didn't meet him, i came across him. Jenny decided to show me him. She's my stepsister. A bitch normally, but since it happened... She decided to try and scare me, convince me that he existed. And she didn't believe me when I found he did.

I was scared. I heard stories of people's families dying, hell, Lucas is a living example of that. I ran.

And Jennifer came after me.

She came to try and bring me back, I was so scared. and we saw him. We both saw him. This was the first time she'd seen him and I was scared so I ran.

She didn't.

That was a week ago.

So I packed and ran. I stole food when i could, I have cops with an amber alert looking out for me. I can't go home, I just can't. I don't want to risk them.

It just scares me. This whole thing.

I'm just glad Lucas found me. I was scared of Joel at first, but now, I feel kind of safe, knowing that he's a killer. At least if he does kill me I won't die too painfully.

So. That's about it. I don't know what else to say other than try not to die you random strangers Ill probably never meet.


Saturday, 24 September 2011

A new friend.

Right now, we're okay. I got up early this morning to go out and get some food in town, and had to wait for dusk so I could come back. Joel needs to stay in there really. It's not safe for him to be out and about right now, as there are witnesses to one of them.

And... Well...

I saw Him, I was sat on a bench in the town centre, someone else sat next to me and then I saw him. He was in the doorway of another shop. Just turned in my direction. It didn't matter that he was watching me, but there was something about how everyone else keeps moving, doesn't even look, like you wonder if they can even hear the humming in your ears or feel the compulsion to approach. I'd also bought a little gas stove, the kind you get for camping. One hob, and a couple of small single use bottles

I don't know if I told anyone before. I sold the house before I left. To one of those "Quicksell" companies. I figured I wouldn't be using it again and needed the cash for running. Joel was the one with the cards though, he kept them... I had enough money out to get by before he left, but still, it left me in a little bit of trouble the night before.

Like this need to understand that I'm not the only one who's seeing this, like I've finally gone mad. It was then that I realised that I wasn't alone. There was a boy next to me, staring too. He couldn't have been older than thirteen. Short brown hair, with a backpack that looked like it weighed about the same as he did.

He reminded me a little bit of myself when I was younger...

I couldn't just let it slide. I spoke. "You see him too?" Just quietly.
"Yeah." He replied. He seemed like a local. A terrified local.
"You... You alright?" I wasn't expecting yes really, but he seemed to reply.
He shook his head. "He took my friend." He murmured, he seemed on the verge of crying.
"I know the feeling..." It's true, it brought back memories when I saw Joel walk away for that last time. "I'm sorry. What do you call yourself?"
"A runner." He looked at me like I was an idiot.

I like this kid.

That made me smile a little. "I meant your name." I figured I may as well try and keep him distracted from Mr Faceless on the other side of the square. Who, by the by, was still there. Even though I wanted to run away.
"Oh... Joshua."
"Lucas. When did you last eat?" I reached into a bag and passed him a bag of chips crisps. He didn't admit it, but by the way he wolfed down the packet, I'd have guessed it would be a while.
"Well, want to stay with us for a little while?"
He smiled at that. I was glad I could do that for him really. He also carried some shopping bags for me. I'd been holding a lot of the heavy stuff in a backpack. But either way, apparently only being able to use your finger and your thumb to carry bags is a tiny bit difficult. I can't wait until five days time when I can remove the damn splints...

When I can finally hold something...

Dusk came and we walked back the way I came, leading him to the house and walking in. Joel was sat there looking at us. Joel was curious.

When I say curious. I mean he had a revolver in his hand when we walked in and asked who he was. I dumped the bags down. Told him he was another runner, and we spent the rest of the evening chatting really. He told us his whole story as we ate...

Kid's been running for a few weeks now, he was smart enough to notice the signs and get online before anyone else died. But he had a friend who did the same, a girl, Jennifer. She was the bossy one, she looked after him. They were together, and presented with Slendy in front of their eyes, for the first time. Josh ran away, Jennifer did the opposite. He was a minute or so away when he realised she was gone. He ran back to see them walking away, hand in hand. No matter how loud he called her name, she didn't listen.

Then he asked what about us... And... Well... We told the truth. A pair of British lovers in America, where one became a proxy and the other... Well. The other is me.  I made sure that he realised that Joel isn't going to slit his throat in his sleep, and I also made sure that Joel realised that too...

Josh is asleep now, Joel keeps asking me why I invited him, and honestly, I don't know why I did. Maybe I just felt the need for conversation other than Joel, who is silent for 98% of the time nowadays... Joel looked at me for a moment. And just smiled before he went to sleep, leaving me to type up the days events.

Busy busy. In a couple of days time, we shall be planning where we're going. There is one place I want to visit in particular, which is north of here. I might get Josh posting tomorrow, we'll see how he feels.


Friday, 23 September 2011

Joel, simple as.

I found Joel, or rather he found me.

Apparently there have been three murders discovered, all just after the day he left and I chased him. I had curled up for the night, some alleyway in town, it was out of the wind so I wasn't too bad. I then woke up with his face right in mine. I reached for my knife to discover I didn't have one.

Fucking hell...

I had left my snapped sword back at Haven.
He saw I was awake and pulled away, the gun pointed at me. "You gonna do anything stupid?"
I just kind of slumped, I assume he took that as a no.
"I don't love you Lucas. I haven't for a while. All I feel is guilt." That stung, something deep inside my chest.

A physical ache.

"Won't stop me loving you, Joel."
"I want to though..." He finally added, he handed the flick knife to me. Saying "Keep it."

He held out his hand and I took it. God, I think I only then properly realised what I'd missed. The feel of his arms around me, his skin.
He let go of my hand and started walking. "I know somewhere we can stay. I will have to hide out a little bit."
I didn't press him on the murder front.

Don't ask, don't tell.

It's... I don't want to say "awkward" but that's how it is I guess.

We were like a couple who had just broken up, but still had to live together for a little while whilst one moved out, not bitter. Just different.
It's kind of sad really.

We ended up in an abandoned house, it was better than outside. So I can't complain. We just kind of stay here.

It's kind of silent. Occasionally I catch him looking over at me, it's not loving, or anything. It's calculating, cold even. I'm being strong, though, admittedly I let him bandage my hands a second time.

Wouldn't want to get an infection, now would I?

Finally I spoke, we spent ages like that, sat on the bare wooden floor in silence. I needed to do something...

"Remember the time when I... When I got attacked by Wolf, just after. I was doubting myself, practically suicidal." I shifted to sit next to him.

"Joel remembers..."

He didn't resist as I pulled his head into the crook of my neck.

Whispering. "Never again."

I made promises to him... That as long as he wanted me here, I would never leave him. That I would help him in any way I can.

And even though he can't reciprocate it, I intend to keep every single one of them.


Wednesday, 21 September 2011


As far as cheating goes.
I am an arse.
I'd only seem more so
if I blamed it all on one or the other completely.

It was how I got my victims.
How I led them to me.
A hug here,
a peck on the cheek there.

More occasionally.

I was so absorbed in killing...
I didn't even notice that Joel...

The effects on Joel were too great.

When I was with Rachael,
on the way to see Schrodinger...
She got me to open up.
I felt so guilty...

She said... She said you'd understand.
I... I didn't know.
I don't think I can feel anything anymore.
There's just this

Other than anger,
I felt nothing.
Joel loves you...

I'm just a shell.

He's just my sheep's clothing.
If he knows me.
I would be surprised.
I fell into this so easily.

I don't even know if
there is a way out at all.
Other than dying.

I want Joel back.
I want to feel something again.
I'm going to try so hard to be
the man you fell for again.
Then I want to kill your stalker.

Fuck I'm craving a kill right now.

The Big Bad Wolf

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

There 'aint no rest for the Wicked.

If anyone tells you that being interrogated interviewed for eight hours by the Men in Black (I got a glare when I said that in the interview) was fun, they are lying to you. The doc unlocked the cell and I just walked out. Apparently I'd been free to go since yesterday, not that anyone had tried to tell me, mind.

Apparently they arranged some sort of visa extension for 24 months that should tide us over to apply for asylum or whatever it is for guys like us, they did the same for Joel. Now we're here legally! So maybe they're not all bad.

I do have to say though, when I got back to Haven, I was under armed supervision. I mean, what the hell do you guys expect me to do? Gnaw you to death? I can't even hold a pencil without pain.

Plus I got my katana back, well it's pieces. That pissed me off a lot. You guys have no idea how much effort maintaining a sword like that takes, do you? I'm actually more angry about the sword than the fact I can't use my hands.

Then Joel appeared at my window. He was still masked, but I could, I dunno. Tell.

Our dear Agent Z decided to point a gun at him, it took a couple of minutes to talk him down. God damn Americans and their trigger happy nature. I met him at the door and he tugged off his mask. I... I couldn't stop myself, I just flung myself at him, my arms wrapped around his neck, his around my waist. We just held each other, kissed, and just enjoyed each other's company for a few moments.

I can only assume that the Agent felt awkward at such a turn of events. He left us alone. It was that moment when Joel pushed me up onto my feet, backed me into a wall and started choking me.

"I know who Wolf is, you slut. So what is it? Have you been behind my back with him?" The venom in his voice was terrifying. I kneed him in the groin and he cringed forward, I then kneed him again in the face, enough force to his forehead to make his neck snap back and him to fall. I felt bad doing that, but I had to. He needed to stop attacking and let me explain.

I managed to get my knees onto his shoulders, taking the knife from his pocket and flicking it open and swearing at the pain. I pressed it against my lover's neck, only able to use my forefinger and my thumb to grip it. It was just then that the Agent returned, gun drawn, aiming at the both of us. I told him I had it under control but he stayed there.

"Wolf is my Ex, you idiot, Joel." He was snarling at me as I said that, but he didn't fight, I don't get why. "I ran before I met you, he's why I'll never stop." I rubbed my throat.

He just glared up at me. "Sure he is."

I dropped the knife by his head. "Then kill me." I stood up. I've not been thinking straight, he stood up, took the knife. He glared at me and folded it up. Taking my hand and leading me into the bedroom once we were alone.

"Tell me everything."

"Wolf's name is Mario Ricci. I was sixteen, I'd just started college in Manchester, and had been questioning my sexuality for years, fighting it. 

Then I met a guy at a club, the first time I'd ever been clubbing, me and a couple of friends sneaked in, then they got caught and I didn't. He was 25, tall, dark and handsome. He asked me straight, if I wanted to go out on a date with him. I was naive. I fell in love with him, he looked after me, made sure I was working in college, made sure that I was alright. 

He was the one who convinced me to come out to my parents. Because he wished he had a father to come out to.

They took the news badly.

They suggested I moved out for a while, so I did. Mario let me stay with him, I had nowhere else to go. He used that against me. I took whatever he dished out because I had nowhere else to stay, he stopped me seeing friends, he stopped me seeing family, he stopped everything. When I got the call from my parents, I had to pack a bag of clothes and sneak out whilst he was working. 

He was so angry. But I loved him. I went back. 

Bad things happened and I ended up breaking up with him.

That's where it went from bad to worse.

He stalked me in my classes, he waited just outside of school, he left a dead fucking bird on my doorstep. Hundreds of calls, death threats. He broke the restraining order so many times but he couldn't be prosecuted because we didn't see him.

So my parents, my brother, and I packed up and left. 

I changed everything.
Email, phone number, house, school, I dyed my hair, I started wearing glasses, hell. My name was once Oliver, but I had it legally changed to Lucas, you know nothing. I changed everything.

I spent three fucking years, and heard nothing. I healed.

I met you, fucker.

It was only after he attacked Elaine, that I realised. That, in the last days before we moved, he called himself The Wolf."

Joel just looked at me, held me close and told me he loved me, and he was sorry for cheating on me.

"You hypocrite." I admit, I lost it then. He'd just come at me because he thought I'd cheated on HIM. And then he tells me that he's cheated. We fought, I lost control of my emotions, it won't happen again. The noise probably must have caused a scene. He took a grip of my hair and yanked my head forward.

"I knew it." He muttered, kneeing me in the stomach. Two agents stepped in, restraining each of us. Joel pushed him away. "I'm sorry Lucas." He ran away again. I was too winded to do anything to go after him.

I'm going after him, I got my bag and some food. I'm leaving my broken blade here. Maybe it'll serve someone else better than I. I feel terrible about what happened, I just need to see him again, to understand what he said.

But first, I need to get my hands on a new sword, even if I heal, I still hate guns.

If I don't see you guys before I go, I need to leave as soon as possible.

You have my love and my thanks, and the best of luck with this. It was nice, having a family again. It made me far happier than you can imagine.

Good bye, I shall see you again sometime.


Saturday, 17 September 2011

Hellish Hijinks in the Haven Household.

Im sorry if there are spelling errors in this post. two finger typing and opiates do that to a guyy

If you havent heard already, I got crucified. (Like a BOSS)

I've got, overall three digits splinted. It would have ben four if I hadnt... After a week or so I should be able to remove them, and just do light exercises with my fingers. After then I should regain a little bit of my strength in my fingers. Not as much as before but that's what happens when you have two tendons in each hand torn.

Im currently in MASC hands right now... They're feds, I dont know whats happening out there, but they let me use a computer to type this up and let people know I'm alive, provided I complied with them, answered questions, whatever the fuck else they wanted.

So. What happened?

Well, I remember sitting in my room, when I heard a crash... Thuggee was here, I just knew it, something in the pir of my stomach knew it. I took my sword and drew it. Id been waiting for this fucker to turn up and show me he wasn't all bark.

The entire front wall was just rubble and dust and fuck all else. Thuggee was the guy with daggers. And next to him, I could assume was Dodgy. I remembered him from somewhere, but I couldn't work out where.

I got out of my room and through the hall just in time to see Shady kicked, quite literally, across the room. I was terrified, but it was too late now to back out. Afterall, I had the sword, I had the training, I could kill a couple of proxies. I ran towards the two, swinging my katana with a scream. It felt good to be doing something again. Thuggee sidestepped it and Dodgy darted to the side. I figured Id go for the softer target.


I was relentles in my attacks, forcing him back where he tripped, I was so close to finishing the fucker when something grabbed my leg. I looked just in time to notice there was nothing there, and flew into the wall. I remember screaming from that, as the Katana was taken from me, once again, invisibly. Then I was pulled to the floor, my legs buckled.

I thought; "this is gonna hurt," as he rounded on me, literally flung me into the kitchen. I tried to stand up again, my legs hardly supported me at the time. My sword was nowhere to be found.

So I settled with the nearest sharp object. A steak knife.

It took so much effort to just keep from falling forward. But I got some resolve when he started using my katana to hurt Tim. That was unforgivable. I stabbed up at his throat, but the blade didnt connect. Mainly because Dodgy decided he wanted revenge for last time. I fell to the ground, my back screaming in pain and tried to stab up at him.

But he had the advantage this time, in the scuffle, the steak knife vanished.

I swore and kicked him away, getting to my feet. Wobbly but still more than happy to punch the fucker. Then I felt something on my neck and then the kind of pain.... I can't describe it... If I screamed it wouldn't be enough.

My head was pounding, I think I bit my tongue, blood was pouring from my lips as I spat on the ground just before he flung me back in the kitchen. The oven wasnt so kind as to break my fall. I lay there in front of it, my head not knowing what way is left or right, as Thuggee rounded on me. I felt an image pop up into my head, I... It was an image of Jesus on the Cross.

I remember silently pleading, sobbing, as he lifted me and pushed me up against the kitchen wall. Made me watch as my Katana was broken in front of my eyes. I wasnt fighting anymore. I was just begging. I could feel as my hands were pinnned in place as I begged him not to do this. Then suddenly pain. I was hanging from my hands. He was crucifying me.

In crucifixion, your arms (and normally legs, I wasn't so lucky) are the only things supporting you. But when you're hanging from them, it restricts your airflow, allowing you to breathe in but not breathe out. You have to physically pull yourself up on your hands in order to take a breath, until you couldnt anymore. Your death was from suffocation.

At that point, Id stopped thinking, it was just pain.

I stayed there. Pain, tense, breathe, pain, over and over and over again. I

I dont know how long I was there, but Thuggee was gone.

"Poor, baby, Lucas..."
I heard, my heart sank.

Pain. Tense. Breathe. Pain.

"It's me."
It's not Joel.
"You fucking failure."
Not him. The words bit as much as the sword did.
"Someone went to town on you."
Anyone but him.

Pain. Tense. Breathe. Pain.

"You look like a work of art like this. All hung up, this guy has an eye for beauty."
I want to cry again, but my body doesn't seem to want to waste energy, instead It just boils up inside my head. I hate every moment he's around.
"Tell Joel that The Alpha said Hi."
That gloating voice of his.
"And that Mario shall have you all to himself soon."
I wished I wasnot like this, then I could have stabbed him.

Pain. Tense. Breathe. Pain.

"Well, I say myself, I have to share with Mastter."
He backhanded me in the face. Hard.
I was too dazed to really listen after that.
Event though I think I was practically unconscious, my lips twitched up into a smile.

I may have failed to protect everyone, but this was a fight I could win.


He wiped that smile off my face by simply doing what he did. He yanked the two halves of the blades from the wall, leaving them in my hands, and watching as I fell to the floor, still like that. He then carried me over his shoulder as he walked outside. My vision blurred.

I remember hearing noise people talking, some shouting

He put me down, tucked something into my pocket and whispered into my ear. When I ran off a couple of weeks back, I had invited him in. I remember it now...

"You owe me Lucas. A wedding would suit you if you could wear a ring. Welcome to the family."

Then I, thankfully, passed out.

I woke up here, a doctor was changing the bandages around my hands, the cut on my back was clean so it should heal nicely. He offered me more pain meds. My palms felt like they had been put through a blender. They still do, I can walk, and maybe run a little, but I could see through the holes that have been made in my hands. They've been stitched, but it was a rush job.

They have me in a cell somewhere, I have no idea where, but it's quiet. The doc sees me for about ten minutes a day, sees if I need anything and vanishes again. Don't even know the guy's name. I don't know anyone's name here, they won't talk to me that much. Just that they're MASC and that I must look like an utter mess.

I only recently discovered that it was my finger he'd slipped into my pocket.

A token of his affection...

It makes me feelit makes me feel sick...

And on that note, I should try and get some rest... Maybe they'll, I dunno, ask questions tomorrow. Considering my past experience with authority figures, let's hope these are the good guys.

Oh and Joel, we need a chat.

Bye for now.


Friday, 16 September 2011

Everything hurts

Biggerpostwhen i can.

the meds just kivked in uill be back llateer

Sunday, 11 September 2011


You know that phrase.
"Revenge is a dish 
best served cold?"

Rachael was never like that.
When we saw what happened.
To the poor girl. 

She did the deed,
I didn't see fit to stop her.
She knew the girl better than me.

Cheshire was her kill 
more than mine.
So I did what anyone 
in my situation would do.

I took orders. 
I let her have her revenge.

When the time was right.
I took the feline's finger.
Added it to my collection.
Just for Lucas

The ferocity of it,
I don't know whether I should be 
proud of her,
or scared.

Cheshire was a monster.
And she put him down like one.
All I hope is that she didn't

The Big Bad Wolf.

Sunday, 4 September 2011

Stir crazy

Bored Bored Bored Bored BOREDDDDDD.

I'm sorry but it's true, other than chores, there's very little to do. I can't stay in one place for too long, I've never settled down. Even before this slendy shit happening.

Hell. Even MY WOLF has vanished off somewhere. And, I might add, without saying goodbye. :p


 I've finally decided to try and fix my St Christopher. I remember Wolf yanking it off my neck in the forest. Then I remember him hitting me and stamping. I looked after the chain, but it's only a link that's broken. The clasp is fine...

 All I really had to do was open another link and slot it back into place. It was a 30 minute job, but now I'm wearing it again. A little ironic considering I'm not travelling.

Mainly though, I've been trying to get my fitness back up. I've been training two hours a day. It's easily enough to tire me out and put me to sleep that night. Although without a partner it's a little difficult to learn.

What else to talk about? There really isn't much.

OH! There's me worrying about Rachael, I hope she's all right. Last thing I heard was that Wolf was off to meet her on her way to go rescue Schrody...

I mean, sure, Wolf has killed people before, but I'm not entirely sure he would stop simply because she says so... It worries me greatly...

Hopefully he'll be more Joel than Wolf at that point in time...

Rachael, I hope he's treating you alright. If not, I'll slap him the next time I see him. :3

Good luck guys.