Friday, 23 September 2011

Joel, simple as.

I found Joel, or rather he found me.

Apparently there have been three murders discovered, all just after the day he left and I chased him. I had curled up for the night, some alleyway in town, it was out of the wind so I wasn't too bad. I then woke up with his face right in mine. I reached for my knife to discover I didn't have one.

Fucking hell...

I had left my snapped sword back at Haven.
He saw I was awake and pulled away, the gun pointed at me. "You gonna do anything stupid?"
I just kind of slumped, I assume he took that as a no.
"I don't love you Lucas. I haven't for a while. All I feel is guilt." That stung, something deep inside my chest.

A physical ache.

"Won't stop me loving you, Joel."
"I want to though..." He finally added, he handed the flick knife to me. Saying "Keep it."

He held out his hand and I took it. God, I think I only then properly realised what I'd missed. The feel of his arms around me, his skin.
He let go of my hand and started walking. "I know somewhere we can stay. I will have to hide out a little bit."
I didn't press him on the murder front.

Don't ask, don't tell.

It's... I don't want to say "awkward" but that's how it is I guess.

We were like a couple who had just broken up, but still had to live together for a little while whilst one moved out, not bitter. Just different.
It's kind of sad really.

We ended up in an abandoned house, it was better than outside. So I can't complain. We just kind of stay here.

It's kind of silent. Occasionally I catch him looking over at me, it's not loving, or anything. It's calculating, cold even. I'm being strong, though, admittedly I let him bandage my hands a second time.

Wouldn't want to get an infection, now would I?

Finally I spoke, we spent ages like that, sat on the bare wooden floor in silence. I needed to do something...

"Remember the time when I... When I got attacked by Wolf, just after. I was doubting myself, practically suicidal." I shifted to sit next to him.

"Joel remembers..."

He didn't resist as I pulled his head into the crook of my neck.

Whispering. "Never again."

I made promises to him... That as long as he wanted me here, I would never leave him. That I would help him in any way I can.

And even though he can't reciprocate it, I intend to keep every single one of them.



  1. This... makes me sad a little... Not that it means anything of course. Just... Something about you two...

  2. "And there were three sexes then:
    One that looked like two men
    Glued up back-to-back.
    They were called the Children of the Sun."

  3. Keep an eye on him, and keep each other safe.

    And Goodness what is this? You made the Anarchitect feel...Sympathy!? How can that be?

    Although I can understand. Your blog is the only one to really make me cry.

    Good to see things are a little bit calmer.

    Watch out for the Thuggee. (What a crummy name,)

  4. @Jade, I do NOT feel sympathy! Something like me has no need for such petty emotions. Don't be so quick to judge something you could never understand...

  5. I'm glad you two are together again. I hope this works out.

  6. I

    Thanks guys... Even you Anarchitect, I mean, not sympathy, but something in your eye, perhaps.

    I just want this whole thing to be happier. I want Joel back, and I think he does too.

    In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. Life goes on, it has to.