I somehow am in Orlando Florida. I have one thing to say about that. The fuck? I had a little bit of money, so I bought a burger and tried to work out where I'm going to go. I'm planning on heading west, but I have to do it all at night, during the day I'm just too tired to function.
I also had a look at the revolver, it's apparently a .357 Colt Python. I got that from the fact it said "Python .357" on the barrel, a horse above the... Shit, what do you call that handle thing? I also have 22 bullets, I used two to shoot chav boy. It's a beast of a gun, feels heavy, but not too difficult to stash in a waistband. I don't like guns, but it's better than getting shot at and not being able to fight back.
I've not blacked out at all since last time. Nor have I killed any people. Hakurei is right, it is a choice, but it's difficult. Before this happened, every so often, I'd have this... This itch. I'd look at someone and just suddenly think of them dead. But since seeing Keith... It's gotten bigger, more difficult to control. After that family died... The itch was gone, scratched.
Last night I saw a cat... Just in the street. They called her Nancy, at least that was on the collar's tag. She must have belonged to a family in the area, because she was sociable enough. So I petted her for a little while, I sat down crosslegged on the sidewalk and she ended up on my lap, purring contentedly.
I then took a hold of her neck and just twisted. I could feel it's vertebrae just crack and break and snap and it felt oh so good and I HATE IT. Every sinew of my body just wants to destroy something, to break something, but I don't want to do it.
I've been scratching at my forefinger with my thumbnail to the point it's bloody, it's been helping a little bit, the pain focuses me. I laid the cat out in the road, hopefully the family would just think she got hit by a car. Talking of cars, I need to steal one, I need to see you Lucas, one last time before I kill again.
At what point does a man become a monster?