Friday, 29 July 2011

My first day.

I heard stories of proxies being in that intense pain when they are changed. Like they are losing their souls. But I don't believe in souls, do I? Souls, spirits, magic... It can all be explained through the scientific method. Can't it?

But I'm still me. I've not become this monster that Wolf is, even though that's what I'm supposed to be.

Slenderman brought me to a place, I don't know where, it felt like we'd only walked for minutes together but we went so far away. I was in a room. Two chairs and a table, like back when I was being interviewed by police.

I looked around and he was gone.

There was a guy in front of me, sat on the chair opposite he reminded me of a chav. Gold chain, baseball cap, a red nike tracksuit and a gotee. He looked like what I could have been if I didn't get out of the estates. I had to stifle a laugh when he spoke, I swear, think of Ali G when he speaks. ( ).

"So you iz da new wolf mate? Did ya see da dad?"
"You mean Slendy?"
"Yea man. Big up to da Gman. Yous need ya toolz to be in iz service innit?"

He put some things on the desk. A switchblade, a revolver and a wolf mask, identical to what Wolf had before. I took the gun, loaded it and shot the guy. The bang in such a closed room, deafened me for a moment. I didn't think, it just felt like I should. That, and I had to run, I had to get back to Lucas. I touched the door and just felt this pain, like my head was going to explode.

When I woke up, I was on the floor in the bedroom of a house, everyone was dead and bloody. A family. I... I feel different now. I can't run anymore Lucas. I don't have a choice in the matter. I don't even know where I am.

I'm going to stay here for a little while, work out my location, and do what I have to if I want to ever see you again.

Torch the place.

I'm not going to apologise for what I've done, there's no point to that.

Good bye for now Lucas.



  1. I... I don't know what to say Joel...

  2. It's never too late. Especially if you're still able to say things like this.

  3. There's always a choice. And I'm not saying that to get you to come back. I'm saying it to remind you that, no matter what you do, that's the choice you've made. No one else's.

  4. The Mad Ventriloquist was watching this really interesting movie the other day. It had monsters and crystals and David Bowie and a caterpillar that talked. There was a part when the main character lady was running through this hall, and the caterpillar said, 'This place is full of openings. You're just not seeing them.'

    Running is not an option. Joel is probably right about that. But that doesn't mean there are no options. Joel is a good person, whether he believes that or not. Whether he does bad things or not. He'll figure things out.

    And if Joel chooses to stay this way, The Mad Ventriloquist will not think less of him. He understands.

  5. Looks like whoever made Hakurei a Sage confused wisdom with self-righteousness. First she says that we're potato chips. Just here to be eaten. Now she blames the victim.

    That's all you are, Joel. A victim of His messed-up powers. All we can do is try not to be monsters when we are in control of our own bodies.

  6. Atalanta, that wasn't the point of the exercise. The Lays thing distracted me each time I remembered killing someone. And she helped.

    As for Joel... I don't know... Fuck it... I'd get drunk but I can't fucking get alcohol...

  7. Pardon me, Atalanta, but I have issues with victimization. Being in the mindset of a victim means that even you will consider your actions to be out of your control, which in turn makes you easier to control. Someone who remembers that his actions are his own, no matter what happens, is... less so. Being able to own the consequences of your actions is the most critical step in making right choices, choices that aren't influenced by anyone or anything else.

    Don't get me wrong, I have every bit of sympathy for both of you. It's going to be a long haul, and not a bit of it will be pleasant, but I am here to listen, and to help if I can. And my first bit of advice to everyone, no matter where they are or what they're doing, is to remember their own autonomy. That knowledge, and the boost in willpower that comes with it, is going to be critical.

  8. Joel... I'm so fucking sorry.

    Whatever you have to do, I'm here, and I don't care. You have my email if you need me.