I was going to be all angry and upset about everything with Joel being all confused and depressed, but then I read this and now I feel differently.
Even though I get angry at Joel more than occasionally because he keeps secrets that I should know about.
Even though he doesn't seem to be taking anything seriously in regards to totems.
Even though sometimes he posts without me knowing anything about what's going on until I read it.
I love him.
Joel needs to understand one simple thing. No one can take his mind back but him. It took me a while, but I was far more gone than he is now and I'm reasonable. I still suffer now and then but it's nowhere like how I was before.
We're in NYC right now. Once again, Joel seemed lucid enough to get us a couple of beds in the hostel, but he was fast asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Leaving me with his phone and this amount of time.
I'll give him an hour longer, then I'm going to wake him up. After that, and I never thought I'd say this, I'm letting the inner bitch take over. I've let him walk all over me and if I complain, expect me to fall for that cute little smile for too long. It's about time I make sure he knows exactly who I am and exactly what I need from him so that both of us can keep alive and safe.
I'm sorry if this sounds overly mean, but it's true. I'm tired of him keeping secrets. I'm tired of feeling he doesn't trust me or think I'm assertive enough to exist without him. And right now, I've not slept in 36 hours and I'm probably not going to sleep for another twelve at least, so I'm simply tired.
That's about it really. Ta Ta for now bloggers. Oh and if you hear Joel complaining that I've suddenly turned into a psycho bitch overnight, point him to this post.