Monday, 18 July 2011

I was about to make an angry post.

I was going to be all angry and upset about everything with Joel being all confused and depressed, but then I read this and now I feel differently.

Even though I get angry at Joel more than occasionally because he keeps secrets that I should know about.
Even though he doesn't seem to be taking anything seriously in regards to totems.
Even though sometimes he posts without me knowing anything about what's going on until I read it.

I love him.

Joel needs to understand one simple thing. No one can take his mind back but him. It took me a while, but I was far more gone than he is now and I'm reasonable. I still suffer now and then but it's nowhere like how I was before.

We're in NYC right now. Once again, Joel seemed lucid enough to get us a couple of beds in the hostel, but he was fast asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Leaving me with his phone and this amount of time.

I'll give him an hour longer, then I'm going to wake him up. After that, and I never thought I'd say this, I'm letting the inner bitch take over. I've let him walk all over me and if I complain, expect me to fall for that cute little smile for too long. It's about time I make sure he knows exactly who I am and exactly what I need from him so that both of us can keep alive and safe.

I'm sorry if this sounds overly mean, but it's true. I'm tired of him keeping secrets. I'm tired of feeling he doesn't trust me or think I'm assertive enough to exist without him. And right now, I've not slept in 36 hours and I'm probably not going to sleep for another twelve at least, so I'm simply tired.

That's about it really. Ta Ta for now bloggers. Oh and if you hear Joel complaining that I've suddenly turned into a psycho bitch overnight, point him to this post.



  1. I don't think you sound mean or unreasonable at all. He needs to respect you as much as you respect him or there's no balance to your relationship and the least little thing could send it flying apart at the worst possible moment. Better that you should understand each other now than wait until something happens that could have been avoided.

  2. I'm glad my post could help.
    I'm so sorry you're having problems. Talking to him is a good plan. The only reason Jake and I survived this long is because we realize that sometimes we're going to have to be bitches to each other to get our point across. The trick is what happens AFTER the hard truths.
    I hope it goes well.
    Elaine says to make sure he starts doing what she said. She's worried too.


  3. This is nessecary hold on as long as you can

  4. Hi, um....... wow. I noticed you commented on a few of my posts and vice versa and was wondering what you can tell me what you know bout me. or your impression. sorry about the inconvenience :)