Thursday, 19 May 2011

I guess I should explain...

What I did yesterday was stupid and childish and not like me, sure I'm a troll, but yeah... I shouldn't let people get to me like that... It's just this whole infection thing, it's been getting the better of me. It's difficult for me to focus on anything for more than a few minutes and I have exams coming up and I can't revise for that very reason. My head is in utter agony, I didn't get much sleep the night before... I had a nightmare, and that combined with illness made it difficult to get back to sleep...

"What nightmare?" You ask I'm sure. It had me pretty shaken when I woke up, I immediately turned the light on after and looked around my room, I couldn't sleep really for the rest of the night, found myself coughing too much.

It just felt so real, even though it was bouncing between two scenes, two possibilities...

I push open the door to my room, I feel taller than usual, wearing a hoodie, I know this because I reach inside. 

I am running through the forest, it's dark, I don't know where or what or how, but I know, I feel terrified of something, I feel the cool air hurt my throat, making my chest raw as I run.

I tug out a flick knife, it's big, dangerous looking and take a step forward into the room, looking around.

I am running faster, I can hear the howl behind me, I don't think, I don't turn around, I just run. I hear footsteps closer to me, branches whip at my face as I turn toward a dense area of brush, trying to avoid whatever is following me. 

I feel my heart rate increase, my fingers tightening around the moulded handle, I've done this plenty of times before, I enjoy it. The blade flicks out with a "Shing," the silvered knife glinting in the dim light of my room.

I feel brambles cutting at my clothes, at my flesh, I feel pain but still keep going, out into a clearing, it is colder here than under tree cover, there is fog. 

I watch the knife, and then see a figure in the bed, it's natural, it's all going to be ok, it'll hurt but he deserves it. I move toward the bed and see his face... 

I turn around to check if I am being followed again, I don't think so and as I look forward once more, I collide into someone. A tall figure, I know who this one is, in a suit, faceless. I turn to run once more fear driving every muscle in my body to beyond it's capabilities. 

The face is mine, this body I am in isn't! It's someone else's, I'm in bed. I'm asleep... I-no He, watches me, pressing the blade up against my throat. It's good. I deserve it, it'll hurt but it's all going to be ok in the end..

I turn around and yelp as I see the figure I was running from, a human in a wolf mask, a leap is all it takes to bring me down and he moves over me, his knee on the side of my neck, caressing my cheek with a roughness. I am a fox at the mercy of a dozen hounds... Just waiting to be torn up into tiny pieces.

He presses the knife down, forces it into my throat, my eyes open for a moment as I feel the immense pain delivered to me, I convulse, I try and speak but no words come out, just the gargling from the newly acquired wound. He takes off his mask, I am still looking through his eyes, but I can tell it is a wolf's mask. He is showing me his face. He pushes further down, slitting my throat properly, watching as blood spurts onto white bedsheets, splattering his gloved hands. "Goodnight."  

"Who are you?" I ask into the damp grass, the scent of life seeping through my nostrils and my body loses the energy to fight. I know He is watching, I know I have no escape, I accept it. "I'm the Big Bad Wolf. My Master has no use for you." He stands. I stay there. He raises his booted foot and brings it hard down onto my neck, I hear a crack and then everything goes dark.

It was then that I woke up. I don't get it, I don't think I will, I've not been stalked by Mr Creepy-No-Face. I'm not sure who this "Big Bad Wolf" is. But I've had it two nights in a row now. And it feels so real, I feel the pain, I see how my face screws up when he pushes the knife in... I can't stop thinking about it...

Also Joel, we need to talk right now this second about your comment. I am ringing you up as I type. If any of you followers can help with decoding it, it'd be much appreciated. I mean 4 Across sounds familiar, but I can't remember why...

I am leaving the post I did yesterday on here for posterity's sake. I should be better at dealing with stress, regardless of my state of health. Whoever you are Anonymous Commenter, I apologise. I still don't believe, but it doesn't mean I should lash out.


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